My Mom

I’m missing my Moma so much today.  She passed on to glory December 31, 2012, and I was there with her, had to be the one to follow her last wishes, and tell the ICU team not to “resurrect” her with the defibulator – I was so NOT ready.

Today I miss my Moma so much, I remember her last words, several of her last instructions about a certain friend (after her prayers over the situation)…  I miss my Moma, her love, her wisdom, her heart for us all, our daily conversations, her opinions (no matter whether we agreed or not); her prayers and her insights, her oneriness, her laughter, and how she made every place they moved feel “like home.” 

Daddy said to me recently, “You are your mother’s daughter.”  I had no idea where this conversation was going… but we had been talking about Christ… (he’s not always open to that subject – it was a rare moment indeed).  How so Daddy?  You never, ever quit.

Nope Dad – I won’t.  I will never quit loving you, never quit praying, never quit.  Never.   Until we all make it into His Heaven…into His kingdom, never.  I believe, with Moma, that we would have none lost, not one.  Not even the current prodigals.

I love you Moma.  And today, I so wish you were here – instead of there…I could really use the sound of your voice, your comfort, and a really good hug with a glass of your iced tea.  I love you Moma… I know we’ll see each other again – but eternity, today, seems so far away.

Hugs, Your #1 Daughter

Women’s Issues

Link to insightful articles.


Been doing a LOT of reading about Ruth lately, her sacrifice and selflessness is amazing.  If you have insights you’d like to share…join in please.  (also been reading more about Deborah and Esther as well).


God, Help Us Stop Living With Regret

God, Help Us Stop Living With Regret.

An Extravagant Gift of . . . Potatoes

from the True Woman network ~ link here. – written and posted by Paula Hendricks on 8-19-11.

TrueWoman Blog


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Posted on 08.19.11 by Paula Hendricks

I will never forget what I witnessed and participated in last  week. Every year at our staff revival week, leadership chooses a project for us  to raise money for. This year, they decided to collect funds to meet the needs  of those in our ministry. The needs were numerous . . . someone needed a  $10,000 medical device; others didn’t even have enough money for groceries;  several would have to leave the ministry if they weren’t able to raise more  monthly support, etc.

You’ve probably read that verse in Acts 2:45 that says, “And they were selling  their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all, as any  had need.” But have you seen it in action? I have!

Last week, the Life Action family—most of whom raise financial support—gave $133,000  in cash to meet each other’s needs . . . and that does not include the material items given that could double  that amount, including motorcycles, cars, and homes. Here are just a few specific  “giving” stories from the week:

  • One family gave the major portion of savings  they had set aside to someday own their own home and have a real vacation. They  gave over $19,000.
  • Another couple (with young children) was led to  try to sell their home in hopes they can find an elderly  couple or widow with whom they could help take care of, live with, and bless.
  • One single woman gave $10,000. She had been saving the money to bless her future husband, but was excited  about learning to trust and depend on Jesus for her needs more fully.
  • Another single woman was led to go to the home  of a family to offer child care and provide the money  necessary for the couple to have a cup of coffee together every week . . .  something the wife had just finished praying for!

But the most impactful gift, in my opinion? A wife and mom  of a large family with little income stood apologetically before us, offering  her all—a garden harvest of treasured potatoes—the  crop her family usually enjoyed and depended on all winter long.

Maybe to you this all sounds strange, crazy . . . wasteful. Why would anyone  give their savings and possessions—especially during such uncertain economic  times—leaving themselves with almost nothing?

I think it has a whole lot to do with this:

For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ,  that though he was rich, yet for your sake he became poor, so that you by his  poverty might become rich” (2 Cor. 8:9).

In light of the offering that was collected, our executive director, Byron  Paulus, encouraged us to prepare for the greatest ministry season ever:

“What if there is a direct connection between what  we give materially and what the Lord gives in return by way of true riches . .  . of His mercy, grace, and love? Luke  16:11 makes it clear that if we are faithful with money, He will entrust to  us true riches. If this is what Scripture teaches (and it is), then we had  better . . . get ready for the greatest ministry season ever!”

(Bring it on, Lord!)

PS: Giving money isn’t the only way to give . . . the  Sullivan family (on staff with Life Action) adopted Andrei from a Russian  orphanage years ago. Last month, The New York  Yankees reunited Andrei with a boyhood friend from Baby House 10. Their  story will bring tears to your eyes!


Love this post – link follows… “No, not broken. It just isn’t time yet…” and I read her article, wonderful article… and then thought – okay, well I AM broken ~ but healing.   ***gentle smile***  And yet – it IS still about timing – whether the Lord is doing repair work, or He has other plans all together, or work to do in between.  Thanks “Love In Waiting” for your heart, and this article’s truth.


Hugs to My Friend

I saw you cry tonight.

Just had to hug you close.

Hope that didn’t embarrass you, really (sorry!)

I wanted to wipe away your tears, and tell you it WILL be alright.

But I’m not God.

What I DO know is His comfort.

That HE holds us in the storms.

In fact, HE HOLDS US UP.

Praying for you tonight.

That you know His comfort too.


–excerpt from God’s Heart for You, Embracing

a portion of a post from (In)Courage today – from God’s Heart for You, Embracing
Your True Worth as a Woman
by Holley Gerth …along with a link at the bottom to their current Give-Away contest. :-)

Hey you,

the one wondering if you’re enough,

if you’d be loved if anyone really knew you—

turn your heart this way for a moment,

then lean in and listen close…


You’ve got it.

You don’t have to look any further

than the hands of the One who made you,

the heart of the One who loves you.

You’re welcomed, held,

cherished just as you are

and encouraged to grow

into all you’ll become.

So hold your heart and head high;

look the world in the eyes and say…

“I’m His. I’m loved.

I’m already accepted today.”

–excerpt from God’s Heart for You, Embracing
Your True Worth as a Woman
by Holley Gerth {available as a book or ebook}

*You still have until Thursday at midnight CST to  make your “In God’s Heart I Am…?”  sign, take a photo of it, and upload it to the facebook page {stop by to
see all the signs–so fun!} to be entered in the big giveaway. Get the details here.*

Gather Up My Comforts

a blog by Susan,

I borrowed this “quote” from her site and I’ve loved her blogs… although she has stopped for now.

“Gather up thy comforts…”

“Is there no blue sky? Have roses forgotten how to
blow? Have birds ceased to sing among the branches? Hast thou not the sweetness
of the love of a single little child? Hast thou no pleasant food– not even a
cup of tea?

“Gather up thy comforts, the greatest, the smallest and thou
wilt be surprised that thou hast so many to gather.”

~Amy Carmichael in
His Thoughts Said… His Father Said… (1941)


For Christ!


Louie Giglio – speaking on “Empowered to Carry the Name.”



Laughter is good medicine!

We love to laugh and have a few favorite Christian comedians… here is one of my “hands down” all time favorites, “Nazareth.”  I’ll post others, and links to them, in the days to come. ~ Nazareth is a wonderful, culturally relevant comedian, middle eastern, talking about being in Washington, D.C. AFTER 911.  He is HILARIOUS!  Check it out!  His website is

And this one,

Also, from “The Skit Guys” ~ – and their take on “Adam and Eve” – ~ again, ENJOY~

Enjoy and Hugs,



I came to help, to serve, to comfort, to do well and work hard, I know He sent me… and was surprised. 

Surprised to find I am the one in need.


Caught off guard – finding that as I give;  you give back, generously, with more comfort and tender care than I know how to take in.


Shocked really, by the mingling of our pain, the hidden places that need healing, the similarities in our lives, His comfort poured out over us together.


To be receiving instead of only giving. I’ve been so long the giver.  I think my “receiver” is broken.


By the love of God, His glory on families, faithful ones, and aging; His grace poured into broken lives.  And  how well you have and do honor Him with yours.


By His Presence, in you.

Devotion: Waiting on God

Devotion: Waiting on God.  I love this post, and their elegant site.  Will be watching to see what else comes from this ministry.  ~Thanks for this one, Debra

Devotion: Waiting on God

11ThursdayAug 2011

Posted by in Soul Food



“Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; He rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for Him!” Isaiah 30:18

Patience has to be one of the hardest attribute of a human character. As the society gets faster, the more faster we want things to be do. But some things only comes with time. Often we get caught up with the same thoughts regarding God’s promises, to the point that our eagerness is manipulated to become something else. That God doesn’t care for us, He has abandoned us.

How far from the truth are we? God is gracious and longs to bring fruitfulness into our lives, but His thoughts are higher than ours and so are His ways. It may not be the way we would have chosen for ourselves but it is the best way. How often do we overlook this. As a father, one of the hardest things to do is to withhold things from my son but it is necessary for him to learn and grow as a man. So it is with God’s desire for us to grow into the image of His Son, Jesus.

Make no mistake that God is compassion and desires to bless us; but His blessings isn’t for a moment’s joy, rather it is in the view of eternity. Wait for the good things that He provides for it will not disappoint.


Scaffolding (via The View From Here)

I loved this blog, and the photos included… I had just received a very interesting “word from the Lord” through a dear friend about “scaffolding” around me, around my life. Amazing His timing!

Scaffolding A house is a major investment. Before you buy, you pray and ask God if this is a commitment you’re ready to make. You count the cost to be sure you can really afford to do this. Then you apply for a loan, scrape together a down payment, sign and initial a stack of papers, and finally, it’s all yours. You move in, unpack boxes, arrange furniture, and stock cabinets. You hang pictures and select drapes. And you add all the loving little touches ins … Read More

via The View From Here

Answers to a Single Moma’s Prayers

Care giving – we all do this, children, mothering, families, aging relatives, on the job, friendships, body of Christ community.  He has built this into me.

I used to take care of the grandmothers of my family (my own and my ex’s), including my ex’s own mother during her surgeries and illnesses, while  homeschooling my children – around his military career.  A talent God doesn’t want hidden I guess.  People say it takes a “special” person to “do elder care”, or to “home school.”  I think I just love home, family and the life-giving heart of home, the center of our lives is Christ, but this is where hearts and lives are built, prepared, launched, comforted.  (So “they” think I’m “special?” Really Lord? I’m not so sure about that).  It’s a choice, I think, to have the patience and love, so necessary in taking care of people – every day people, special needs, sick, whole, or not ~ elders, youth, or children, mine or others.  I think of my own grandmother, and mother-in-law – I used to be their “care-giver”.  Help of the heart and hands, something I offered out of love.  I find myself still reeling at times after the rejection the divorce has caused, the breach in a relationship that was nearly 30 years long and now not communicating at all, to respect “boundaries”.  This “talent” if you will, this gift of “care-giving” has become a (strange to me) way to begin again – to have value, perhaps even to earn a living, perhaps to get “continued training” in “elder care” – a field desperately in need of Godly, loving care givers.  Which is really ~ so strange to my heart ~ after such an unwanted and painful divorce.  Unusual really how the painful past caused the current “position” to be so very bittersweet.  Is this “beauty from ashes”?

After all, as a single mom with single mom Christian women-in-ministry friends urging me on, to grow, take care of “me”, get stable – there I was, back in corporate America (longing for home and wondering when I would EVER get back to whatever “normal” is, should be, or was), missing my flexible schedule, serving in my church and in our community, and substitute teaching in our local school’s classes (I love the teens, I can relate best with them).   Yet I know I’m “called” to NATIONS, to youth… so “corporate America?” again.  **Sigh**  Thankful though, for the fancy new job, WITH benefits that I desperately needed, in an elegant, recently remodeled new office, wonderful boss, great interviews (plural) who encouraged me and built up my confidence so much.  So much hope for new beginnings, a more liberal budget, a new place to live, and new adventure in training for a wonderful new opportunity to be an office manager, a company I could grow with and a boy moving forward in high school.  Can I juggle all of this (more blogging that caused!) I charged in with a can-do (former military spouse) attitude, that actually really seemed to overwhelm the manager I was to assist, bless her heart! (life lessons learned, more on that one later).

Fast forward two months (was it only that) and “Dream Job” gone – very sick asthmatic son not getting better, but rather worse ~ needing a full-time Moma.  Choices, choices – his best friend’s Mom offering to step in and do “the Mom part” or do I go back to “hands on parenting” myself?  Then letting go of the “new house” we had planned on taking, and “stuck” (really Lord?) in a lower-income apartment, trying to budget better and care for a very sick teen son ~ whose absences have also caused failing grades.  Where in the world do we go from here? and how to hold on to hope and a positive, victorious attitude in the midst of so much resistance to the “rebuilding process” of our lives.  What kind of “position” can I have now, Lord, that is close to home and will allow me to care for this special kid, to get him better and still pay at least the basic bills?

The answer involved hearing “Wait.”  Okay Lord, I’m waiting… and you see these bills piling up, right?  The bank has been very patient, but that “red” hole in my bank account is growing alarmingly deeper.  WAIT.  And “trust Me.”  Ouch.  What other choice do I have?  I remember what happened to cause me to lose my trust, in men, in people, in the Body of Christ, and sorry Lord ~ but even in You.  I too remember the promises You gave about restoring my ability to “trust” and to TRUST YOU.  I realize, I can wait in panic, or peace.  I choose peace, and rest – and work on my own apartment, trying to restore order after several months of running in and out.

After all of that waiting, an unexpected “offer” came through a friend of a friend, a dear friend that knew our need and knew of another of her friends’ in need – and put us together, in a way that is only God, and an amazingly specific answer to those heart-felt cries.

Weirdly enough, I’m enjoying being a homemaker again; however, doing “home” for someone else’s family, outside of my own family has seemed VERY odd, very strange indeed… and yes, painful and peaceful at the same time.  This must have been what you meant when you spoke, Lord, about the widow’s “oil” and use what you have in your hands (not my typing skills?). :-)

As I tend to “my lady’s” housekeeping, be her companion, keep her company, read out loud to one another and pray together, as we cook together, as I learn what she likes and doesn’t like for her meals (I remember the YUK of my kids, somehow this time it’s a LOT more humbling, at my age, to hear from an elder who didn’t like how or what I prepared for THAT particular dish or meal, picking at her food, and shoving it off to the side of the plate, to give to her little (very overweight) dog after the dishes are cleared).  So I got out the cookbooks, recipes and magazines  – and after a few more weeks of meal prep, after a few weeks of reading and letting her choose, I have a measure of success.  {Was I prideful about cooking or being a homemaker Lord, and You thought I needed a new lesson in humility?  Ouch!}

Learning about “my lady”, her life, who she has been and who she is now, as she struggles with memory loss that at times greatly impairs daily life, discovering her eating habits, seeking understanding about her medical and lung care, in cooperation with the PTs, visiting nurses, and her family physician (who also happens to be ours), so I can know how to best care for this precious woman of God.   (How protective I’ve gotten over her, with my Lion Hearted self, in seeking what works best for her skin care needs, as elder skin tears so easily).

God is so good to me ~ I DO get time to rest (okay, most days!) When I’m done with household duties and taking care of “my lady”.  When she’s napping, I too can rest, pray, or be creative on a favorite dessert of hers and my son’s, bake again, contemplate learning to quilt (one of her best past-times, as I see piles and piles of exquisite fabric art called quilts she has created for her family, in her past quilting) and so we talk.  You Lord have provided perspective that I desperately needed, in one of THE most stress-filled periods of my own life.  In meeting someone else’s overwhelming needs, it’s brought ours into balance…and you’ve given me the gift of having more time to pray (that was not happening in corporate America)… AND amazingly enough I can even take my youngest son, a teen that doesn’t need to be staying home alone in small town America during the summer, WITH me.  Oh yes, AND our pup too.  Where else could one have an offer like that?  I think I would volunteer for this, even on my back-aching, super tired days.

“My lady’s” home is on 160 acres…her dear family lives on property near-by, this is their inheritance, a family business and all this land, with exceptional views of the sunrise, sunset, clouds, horizon, pastures and highways, rolling hills full of trees, and criss-crossed fencing.  We live in an area that is farm land, people raise beef cattle here, lots of dirt roads & wide open country.   Delicious rolling, multi-green hills, red barns, cows mooing, donkeys guarding their “herds” – oh the donkeys are SO funny.

And the laughs over that one lone(ly?) donkey that has gotten loose from its owner, walks up and down the gravel road longing to get in the nearby pastures with the rest of the donkey families around, and has decided the bird bath in “my lady’s” yard is its own personal water trough.  I think the birds are a bit frustrated when he drinks it all up, so we keep it filled when it’s not been raining enough.

My bosses, her sons, and their families are and have been extremely gracious to me and my son, offering not only pay, but community, fellowship, laughter and help, in ways that I had forgotten I needed, vehicle repairs, financial counsel & wisdom, groceries as I cook “family style” and we share meals, and so on – in “trade” for my help, our help.   An enveloping almost, of us, into them.  There is no way to describe my grateful heart at their kindess; and yet it brings with it such a strange sense of panic, a de ja vue even ~ tentatively joining in with their gregarious, joyful large family – after losing one of my own, my ex’s I should say.  Divorce causes such strange, deep emotions and wounds, at so many levels.  This is like peeling that onion, one layer of pain coming off at a time.  And so I partcipate, then pull back and watch, and get overwhelmed often.  I will need my “Jesus alone with Father” time quite often, still, I think to process all these new and wonderful people, blessings, changes.  We are healing, and it seems to be a long process.

Their youngest son, is a youth sponsor to my (youngest) son… how good is God, how detailed He is over our lives.  So during “boring” times, my son can go work with his youth sponsor at the family shop, play video games at “his and his wife’s” home…the goodness of God is indescribable and Cordell has  another male friend to bond with and laugh with, to connect with around Christ.  God given, continued building in relationship with a precious young Christian man, newly building his own home and family, who has a heart for teens, for youth.  Kids like mine.  Tender mercies indeed.

Forgive me – but “rabbit trail” ~ Funny story about that stray male donkey, the one that got loose.  Our pup Tia chased him (poor thing) and tried to herd him (donkeys are for protecting the herd against coyotes and wolves, so she doesn’t yet understand how he sees her as a threat) – she’s part Australian Shepherd, only eight months old and we currently live in an apartment, so her herding instincts, which we haven’t seen until now, are coming out full force.)  She is THE fastest running dog I’ve seen, outside the sheepdog trials I watched as a kid, at the county fairs my grandpa took me too.  I AM impressed at how she LOVES speed, LOVES to run, ears flying, feathered tail like a flag waving in straight wind.  Tia trying to herd the donkey ~ now THAT was a LAUGH OUT LOUD moment, Tia chasing the donkey back down the driveway, off the property – it was running, kicking and braying the whole way – until they reached a stand-off at the end of the road…and he REFUSED to allow her to run him any further.  Odd, joy filled moments!  Strange, indeed.

Reminds me of summers visiting my grandparent’s dairy farm in Northern Missouri… strange, all the memories that have come floating back these past weeks of this new “position.”  Visiting my maternal grandparents during summers was a priviledge I begged for – I loved their farming life and they let me “help”.  Help with the milking at 5am and 5pm (well mostly the gathering the cows in for the milking and feeding calves), haying, summer time local fairs, blue ribbons, the ferris wheel, being a long, blond haired, painfully shy teen, loving the local ice cream place and “Aunt” Edna’s freezes – YUM.  Horse back rides – hanging on for dear life, my long hair flying, going with Grandpa as he took cattle to auction and saying goodbye to my favorite baby calves :-( and helping my grandmother in her garden:  harvesting and canning and putting up “gel” as my grandma called it.  Fresh-from-the-cow milk in the mornings and cream too (wondered why I came home every summer nearly 10 lbs heavier, oh my goodness), long walks as a teen in rolling green pastures, by the ponds, watching my uncles frog hunt (gross), wondering about God and life and my future…peaceful times, healing times, seeking / questioning times.

Back to life today:  I’m not sure about what to call this “elder care” position.  Seems to be more of a “calling”, a ministry, of hands and heart, serving His body – like Mary pouring out her “wages”, her alabaster oil, on the actual Body of Christ.  What a privilege it is to take care of HIS dear ones.  Peter’s call was to “take care of My sheep, feed My sheep, tend My lambs.”  Yes, Lord.  I know folks don’t understand why I’m not out seeking a career and security in corporate America (I don’t think it’s really there, to be honest), and I heard Holy Spirit say, “DON’T focus on your career right now, focus on raising this last one home, pouring into HIM.”  My pastor confirmed that in a special way, without us having to have talked it out… ~ and, since I did pray before accepting this new “assignment” from the Lord, and “offer” from the family, I have an assurance He is in this.  ~ Understanding the committment I was making to this “new to me”, precious family to assist in caring for THEIR very much loved, widowed Mom at such a vulnerable time of her life caused me to nearly waver.  I walk in wonder daily at what He is doing in each of us involved.  What a level of trust ~ taking care of somebody else’s beloved mother.  Help Lord! Help me do this with my whole heart, Lord or better yet – Your heart, and gentle, loving kindnesses.

Their family history is incredible; as she shares, I feel a bit of an interloper.  When she opens all of her painstakingly put together memory albums ~ sharing newspaper clippings, photos, articles, hand written stories, hand-made quilts, family photos, I realize what a Godly heritage they’ve had, for nearly four generations (perhaps longer).  What unexpected pain it has brought to my own heart, in reminding me of what I do not have, and cannot change or give my children.  Is this You really Lord, this bit of “caregiving for them” that seems to be bringing up such torturous grief?  Wow.  I’m not really sure I understand Your ways, after all.  I sense mercy in the midst of the mess, though.  She is such a thankful woman; they’ve certainly had their share of suffering, tragic loss, and unexpected deaths.  I make a conscious choice to not live in regret, nothing I can change about the past; but learn to “start from here” and be thankful for forward, for my role in developing Godly heritage for my own children and grandchildren, as I pray over them all daily.

Her grateful heart is mending mine.  I love to hear her prayers, prayers built on nearly 80 years of being a Christian.  She will be 91 later this year.  “My lady” is an amazing, pure hearted, blessed, grateful woman that never complains, witty, sharp-minded, and full of ornery humor.  And she NEVER tires of sharing how good God has been to her.  That may be THE reason for this placement, huh, Lord?  To learn to be THAT thankful, to find my laugh again ~ in spite of tragedy, of mind-numbing loss.

Oh and the new pup Tia, well, SHE loves to run on the farm, chasing the donkeys – especially the stray one that comes in the yard.  She daily tries to figure out how to get under the fence, and IN the pasture with the cattle, her longing is to be “herding” and “shepherd.”  I think I can relate.  She is black and white, part Australian Shepherd and part King Charles Spaniel – such a pretty girl.  Another restoration moment.   I “lost” our pup, my son’s dog that his sister gave him when he was six (“a boy needs a dog, and you live in the country” – he named her himself, as he did this one).  When the divorce first happened, I couldn’t find a place that I could afford – and that would allow us to have her, so his Dad took her and this little boy’s dog suddenly lived across state lines.  That same girl dog is getting old now, but she seemed to still remember me during a summer-time visit / switch.  I loved her, and missed her so much then, the same dog that used to sit at my feet daily, and wait for her “masters” to get home.

God restores in such unusual ways – this girl pup came through a local friend, that knew of a family that needed a home for their last puppy from an unexpected “free puppy litter”.  I had been praying for this, for another dog, but just the right size as a present for my youngest still-at-home son.  She was born right before Christmas, we got her at about 5-6 weeks old.  The family delivered her to us, SURPRISE ~ and she was so tiny.  Tia is loyal, protective, and growing into the most beautiful, intelligent, hilarious, energetic companion.  What a gift she’s been, and she loves me too – she sits at my feet, wherever I’m at…she wants to be there.  I didn’t realize how much I missed a canine companion.  And on the property, the pup doesn’t chase the birds because there are bigger things to discover!

The birds are beautiful, causing “my lady” to sing hymns she remembers from her past church attendance, as she is an avid bird watcher.  “His Eye Is On The Sparrow” is one of her favorites…”and I know He watches me…” she sings and smiles.  She has bird baths that we keep filled, seed feeders, hummingbird feeders, several trees and flower beds which are perfect for nesting.  What a beautiful setting.  Such a wonderful surprise at this time in our lives, in my life, after so much heart-break, weariness, and current Mom stress over a son with such serious needs – physically, emotionally, medically, academically; such tender care of God over us all.

In fact, we’ve had wonderful impromptu times for spending the night (after getting to know the family and “my lady” better), when the next day isn’t as demanding – enjoying her company, slowing things down to her speed, watching TV together, enjoying a late night snack or eating dessert first before the meal (shhh – don’t tell).  Waking up in time for coffee on the porch, watching the hummingbirds feed, and watching the sunrise, the fog lifting over the rolling green hills, hearing the soft lowing of the local cattle.

I – think – I – can – breathe – again.

I forgot how much I missed this kind of life, so far away from city noises, traffic, rush hour, high stress / high finance / perfect business dress kinds of jobs, the competitiveness in and around corporate positions (although I’ve had some wonderful bosses)… thank you Jesus.  Is this just temporary?  Can I have this again?  Okay, don’t let me “go there.”  Help me to just be thankful, day by day.

This family, this current calling, is also a God-provided answer to this single Moma’s heart cry/prayer ~ a way for me to do SOMETHING locally, try to finish getting out of debt a little tiny piece at a time, tend to my son’s medical and physical needs, (he still needs our prayers.)  And evidently we were an answer to theirs.  Father is good like that, isn’t He?

As for this youngest son, the CT scan of his sinus’ revealed some blockage on both the right & left sides, but the right side is much more significant.  After this second round of antibiotics, his doctor will do another CT scan.  If the “blockage” isn’t gone (because perhaps the signficantly large BUMP that showed up could be more swelling from infection, or mucus collected from so many ongoing infections), then she’ll recommend us to an ENT  (Ear, Nose, Throat Specialist)… for opinion.  Worse case scenario, would be surgery to remove a cyst or polyp (sp?) (or two) – in one or both passages.  Of course, praying and of course, we’d like anything that needs to be healed, to be healed – and not have to go into nasal surgery…  :-)  Of course, my boy would say – “no surgeries on my face, okay Mom?…if we don’t have too, okay?”  Okay dearest.  I get that.  Everything else but.  Will do.  You heard that right Jesus?  So we ask the Saints at church for continued prayers, for continued healing (of all kinds, not just sinus).  Do I have a teen in a bit of denial?  He’s had to lay down to much of his own dreams to begin to heal (basketball for one)…  Redirect him Lord, direct him, into Your plans for his future.  Give him healing AND hope.

Amazing His touch.  His Mending. I just get the sense from Father this is a time of re-establishing walls of protection around us… a time of mending broken things, broken hearts, broken down boundaries, broken places of protection…. Rebuilding… US, while we’re caring for another of His own. His heart for widows and orphans seems so evident in this current “assignment.” ~ for her, for us. Thank you Lord, SO much.

When this stage of life is done, whenever that will be – for me as a single mother, for the widow I care for – as I watch her prepare for her homegoing, and we pray for her sons, who have relied on her and will miss her terribly… as I see her get lost in past memories, but struggle with remembering a present moment ~ I realize the gift of our lives, still. Again.

Life won’t always be this hard, challenging, painful, will it, Lord?  Or maybe so – on THIS earth – after all, it’s not really our home.  I think there will be a THEN moment, a “then” we can now move forward, singing with HIS victory, amazed really At HIS  Grace”…even here and now.

(Have you seen the movie Amazing Grace about William Wilberforce?… we re-watched it recently…)   This movie is one of my all time favorites.  It really speaks to my heart, the victory at the end, and the struggle he went through to really stand for his beliefs, his convictions that came from God.  It wasn’t easy, it took his life at the end, and his whole life in the process.  And changed lives.

A strong reminder to me of doing what is in my heart, of taking time for the important, keeping my priorities straight, and standing firm – even in the face of well meaning friends that didn’t hear what Father told me.  Making sure I’m true to what Father has placed in MY heart, for HIS purposes and plans, for my lady, her family, for my own family who is all spread out now – the older ones that I miss, that live out of state, grandkids I see once a year, and can’t get to because of high gas prices and a single Mom’s budget – so I pray, write, send packages, and cry…and this last one home to help fly.  HIS priorities.

I know this season is a reminder, too, of being Loved, and loving with HIS heart, again.